A TROPICAL CONTACT HIGH

Unless you’re the Queen or Willy Wonka or a block of Cadbury Fruit & Nut, you probably don’t wear enough purple, which is a shame, given it being, idk, the ultimate sartorial power move. It stands for regality and extravagance and the better bits of the 70s. (but don’t just take my word for it). It’s fitting really, the extravagant power move bit, because there’s a new (lilac!) take on a D&D classic print. One we’ve always felt is destined for upscale breakfast buffets, the ones of hotels you aren’t even staying at. (A glamorous ruse!) Do you think anyone would dare to double-check the room number of a person decked head-to-toe in toucan print? Not on your life. As they say: the better you’re dressed, the worse you can behave.

But (tragically) buffets aren’t really a thing right now. And as someone who lives for a breakfast buffet - for not just the food, but the discipline (pace yourself!), the rigor (priciest items first, no filling up on bread) and the strategy (“put the muffin in your pocket”) involved in navigating one correctly, it’s difficult to rec-create the experience at home. The “I just ate three plates of smoked salmon I’m practically making money!!” logic doesn’t apply when you’re the one who bought it. The “who can get through the most plates” game is less tempting if you’ll be washing all ten of them. But just because you (currently) can’t indulge in the complete and utter thrill that is sauntering into someone else’s hotel and going full carpe diem on the croissant selection, doesn’t mean you can’t set that tone domestically. Where you are, the buffet is. There are other elements at play.

Let’s start with the nose. If anything can transport us, scent can. The home-buffet (huffet? Sorry.) should smell of warm weather and sun-drenched foliage and crisp fancy sheets that somebody else will wash. Lay the table as though you’re somewhere balmy, too, with slashes of aqua and ultramarine and flowers that depend on elsewhere’s climate. As for food, choice is of the essence! That’s the whole point of a buffet, no? If there was a book-version of a breakfast banquet it would be this magnum opus of morning food. And this book, the colour of freshly squeezed orange juice, seems a fitting ode to the omelette stand. Speaking of drinks, when it comes to garnishing, more is more. Paper umbrellas are mandatory, dry January or not. And what else? Let’s see. A tropical contact high courtesy of THIS! ABSOLUTE! ZINGER! And, should hotel staff (...family members) approach you / accost you / attempt to wrangle the umpeenth rasher of bacon from your (use your imagination!!!) sunburnt hands: an flawless disguise to match your kit is always a good idea.

You can take the girl out of the buffet, but you cannot - and will not - take the buffet out of the girl.

SUNDAY UNIFORM SUGGESTIONS

LEISURE LETTER Nº3